


Just Kiss and Make Up Already

by Owlgirl155



Series: Hamilton Crack Fics [2]
Category: 18th Century CE RPF, 19th Century CE RPF, American Revolution RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, I'm lying yes I do, I'm writing an actual fanfic I don't need to post this, M/M, based off that tumblr post, everything I do is based off tumblr, what is my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 00:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9467120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owlgirl155/pseuds/Owlgirl155
Summary: Alex and Thomas need to get a room.Based off this tumblr post:http://iloveowls155.tumblr.com/post/156380866887/love-doesnt-discriminate-raythrill?utm_campaign=SharedPost&utm_medium=Email&utm_source=TumblriOS





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for this awful crack fic... I hope you enjoy

“Sir, both Secretary Hamilton and Secretary Jefferson are busy today, so you will have to meet with them both at the same time.” The secretary called over the telephone.

 

The President groaned.

 

George Washington hated the way his Secretaries of the State and the Treasury argued, but he never thought it would get this bad. They yelled at each other constantly, always about the stupidest things. For example, they spent two hours yelling about the color of the sky the other day. 

 

_ “The sky is blue, you stupid republican” Hamilton sneered as Jefferson walked into the room. _

_ “Well, if you wanna get technical, you moronic monarchist, the sky can be gray sometimes.” Jefferson retorted with a forced smile.  _

_ “Those are clouds you idiot.” _

_ “But the sky looks gray, therefore it is.” _

_ “Just because something appears to be true doesn’t mean it is.” _

 

Washington smiled at the memory. Even if he could not discuss policy with both of them in the same room, they at least provided comic relief to a very stressful job. In all honesty, George was convinced that if they had a one night stand, all the tension would go away. One of his stepchildren, Martha, was talking about  _ hate ships _ the other day, which from his understanding was just when a person ships enemies together. 

 

Washington decided that Hamilton and Jefferson were his hate ship. His  _ otp, _ whatever that meant. 

 

Considering the animosity between the two, and the fact he was about to have a meeting with both of them, it was not surprising when Hamilton came into Washington’s office, looking quite disheveled. 

 

“Sorry I’m late, I was… doing things.” Hamilton panted out as he struggled to catch his breath. 

 

Washington had to bite back a grin. He had known Hamilton for years, and considering he was so disheveled, Washington figured he and Jefferson had finally… relieved the tension and accepted their feelings for eachother. He thought his suspicions were confirmed as Jefferson banged heavily on the door and then let himself in.  _ Poor Jefferson is more of a mess than Hamilton.  _ Washington thought to himself. 

 

“He pushed me down the fucking stairs.” Jefferson yelled as he tried to catch his breath. 

 

Washington used all of his self control to not put his head on his desk and cry in frustration. His most trusted advisors were acting like two year olds. Albeit, very vulgar two year olds. 

 

“Pushed is such a strong word.” Hamilton stated happily, regaining the smoothness that had helped him convince Washington to side with him so many times. “I prefer to call it: giving you a little nudge.”

 

Washington could no longer contain his frustration and held his head in his hand, unsure of what to do. 

 

“Oh I will give you a little nudge when I shove my foot up your ass.” Jefferson practically growled as he towered over Hamilton.

 

_ Was that Jefferson’s kink or something? _   Washington thought. He threatened Hamilton with it almost daily. 

 

“Hey,” Hamilton replied suavely. “Watch your fucking language in front of the President.”

  
Washington buried his face in his hands. This was going to be a very long meeting. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is done with Alex and Thomas.

“Why are attractive people always little shits?” Alex murmured as he planted himself in the couch next to his roommate. 

 

“Is Jefferson this little shit?” John asked while looking at his nails and laughing at his friend. 

 

“Is the Earth round?” Alex snapped back, still muffled by the couch.

 

“I will take that as a yes.” John rolled his eyes at his best friend since high school. 

 

“You never answered my question” Alex muttered.

 

“Well your premise is incorrect”

 

Alex looked up and stared at his friend.

 

“I’m quite attractive and not a little shit.” That earned John a pillow to the head, but it did not stop both from laughing uncontrollably. 

 

“I BROUGHT PIZZA” a familiar voice rang through the small apartment. 

 

“From the man who needs no introduction- Hercules Mulligan!” Alexander laughed as his ridiculously strong and tall friend barged through the door. 

 

“GUESS WHO I FOUND” Hercules hollered as he set the pizza down. 

 

Before anyone could even ask, a familiar frenchman walked through the door.

 

“Lafayette!” John cried, running up to hug his friend.

 

“I thought I should drop by, just because.” Laf smiled as he sauntered into the room and into Hercules’ arms. 

 

“Because we steal your boyfriend every friday?” Alex asked as he got up to hug his friend. 

 

“True.”

 

“Hey Laf, maybe you could help our dear Hammy out” John put an arm over Alex’s shoulder as he tried to sneak away.

 

“Thomas is being a little shit again, yes?” Laf helped himself to two slices of the pepperoni pizza on the table. 

 

“Can we not guys?” Alex was still trying to squirm away from John.

 

“No, you are in love with your arch nemesis, we get to tease you about it.” Herc joined in, sitting down on the couch next to Lafayette. 

 

“I hate you all so much.” Alex glared at his friends.

 

“We love you too Lex” Laf called as Alex left the room. There was only so much crap he could deal with in one day. 

 

~Thomas Jefferson’s Apartment~

  
  


“Jemmy, why is Hamilton so attractive?” Jefferson asked as he draped himself dramatically over the leather couch. “I mean it just is not fair. He is so wrong about everything and yet he’s so pretty. Beautiful people should not be wrong, cause it makes them so problematic, but his wrongness does not even hurt his beauty in the slightest. Have you seen his eyes, they sparkle whenever he argues with me. And he’s so tiny. I mean honestly, how can anyone be that short and angry at the same time. Is it even possible?”

 

James, finally looked up from his book and at his friend in dismay. “Thomas, I’m shorter than Alex and I have just as much anger, I just don’t show it. Don’t write off short people. Also, why don’t you just ask him out?” 

 

Thomas groaned “But if I did that, he could hold it against me forever. My reputation would be ruined.”

 

“Thomas, getting turned down by one guy would not kill you. And it would save me a lot of time.”

 

Thomas rolled off the couch in frustration.

 

“James help me up”

 

“No.” James got up and left the room. 

 

~Back at the Hamilton-Laurens Apartment~

 

“Alright guys, can you help me out here. They really just need to get the tension out of their system.” John looked from Lafayette to Hercules and back again. 

 

“So we’re basically just helping Alex get laid. Cool!” Herc laughed as he finished his pizza. 

 

“What’s the plan?” asks Laf. 

 

“Well it goes something like this.” Laf and Herc moved in closer as John dropped to a whisper.

 

“Hey are you guys gossiping about me again?” Alex finally left his room. 

 

All three men turned and stared at him in shock. 

 

“What? I was hungry.” 

 

Alex left the room again, presumably to finish whatever he was working on in his room. 

 

“Maybe we should call James?” John asked as soon as Alex left the room.

 

“He knows Thomas better than anyone, good idea!” Laf agreed. 

 

“I can do it, he’s my baby cousin after all.” Herc was already pulling up James’ contact on his phone.

 

“Hey lil Jemmy” Herc laughed into the speaker. 

 

“What do you want, Herc?” Anyone listening could almost hear the eyeroll as James answered his cell. 

 

“We need to get Alex and Thomas together or I might need to kill Alex for being a whiney little bitch.”

 

“Oh thank God, I thought Thomas was the only one. He’s laying on the floor moaning about how attractive people shouldn’t be so stupid.” 

 

“Can you get Thomas into the Schuyler’s cafe at eleven tomorrow?” John asked after Herc put James on speaker.

 

“Oh hey John. Sure, I can totally do that. See you guys soon.” James said while ending the phone call. 

 

“Hey Thomas, you have a date tomorrow. I thought you needed a break from moaning about Alex.”

 

Thomas finally got off the floor and rushed to James. 

 

“Jemmy, you are too good to me. Who is it?” 

 

“You’ll see. It’s at the Schuyler’s cafe at eleven tomorrow morning. Please be awake.”

  
James kept his fingers crossed. Hopefully this all would end well. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be the worst crack fic I have ever written I'm so sorry.


	3. Blind Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I forgot about updating guys! Ugh I've had so much school and so many tests. But I will be going on spring break soon so I will try to write more! I hope you like the chapter.

“Does this sweater bring out my eyes Jemmy?” Thomas looked over at his best friend.  
James loved Thomas, he really did, but sometimes, his dear friend was just too much.   
“Thomas calm down, you look fine.”   
“I have to make this guy fall in love with me”  
James looked up. “Why”  
“I’m too pretty to not be loved.”  
James looked at him in dismay.  
“Will you tell me who it is?” Thomas asked, whining in the way he knew James hated.  
“No Thomas.”  
“Why not”  
“Because it's a surprise” And you would not go if you knew who it was James added to himself.   
“Are they cute?”   
“They’re your type.” James tried to remain evasive.   
“But I would screw anyone.”  
James rolled his eyes. “Not just looks dumbass. They’re confident, smart, argumentative.”  
“Sounds like my type.”  
James smirked at that. “Exactly.”

~The Hamilton-Laurens Apartment~

“John tell me who this guy is!” Alex whined desperately.  
“No Alex”  
“Please?” Alex even used the puppy dog eyes.   
“No. You will see when we get there.”  
“Fine. Should I wear my hair up or down?”  
John thought for a moment: “Put it in a bun, you don’t want it in your way when you eat.”  
“Makes sense.” Alex reached for one the ponytail holders on the dresser.   
“Oh it's 10:45, we have to go!” John pulled Alex out the door.  
“Right, cause we cannot be late for this mysterious person.”  
“Exactly.”  
Alex laughed at that.  
“Do I even know this person?”   
“Maybe”  
“Are they a stranger?”  
“Maybe.”  
“Are you going to tell me anything, John?”  
“No.”  
“Are they attractive.”  
“He’s your type Alex, what else do you want from me,”  
“A description.”  
“I told you no!”  
“Why not ,John?” Alex slumped over and stared at his best friend.  
John wanted to tell him, he really did. But he couldn’t. He was too done with all the pining and sexual tension to screw this up for his friend. He needed to get it out of his system, for everyone.   
“Because it would ruin the surprise.”  
“But I hate surprises.” Alex whined  
“You’ll like this one, I promise.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Positive.”  
They finally made it to the Schuyler’s Cafe and Alex looked around desperately to see if he could make out his date. John had let it slip he was a guy (because he used he/him pronouns once), so Alex was confident he could pick him out. There was a little guy with glasses sitting in front sipping what looked like a chai tea, and by the window there was a tall man staring out the window, like he was waiting for something.   
“It’s not either of them, Alex, calm down. He’ll be here soon enough, he enjoys being fashionably late.”   
“I hope so”  
Alex and John went to a table and sat down.  
That’s when they walked in, and all the pieces fit together. He knew why John was keeping everything hidden from him.  
“Thomas? You set me up with Thomas, John?”  
“Jemmy, are you forcing me to go on a date with Hamilton?”  
James and John exchanged a look, and then broke into laughter.


	4. A Date in Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Alex's date goes better than expected.
> 
> And then it suddenly does not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where this came from. Hope you enjoy!

James was surprised that they had actually fell for it. It made absolutely no sense. 

How could they be so stupid? Honestly, Alex and Thomas were two of the smartest people James had ever met, so how had they not seen this coming? 

_ They probably did  _ James thought to himself.  _ They probably just didn’t want to believe it, or were actually hoping for it.  _

 

Meanwhile, John was worried about the fact that either of them could get up from the table at any second. Alex and Thomas stared each other down with soul wrenching glares that could terrify an axe murderer. John could not help but smirk. 

_ Finally, they will see what literally everyone who has ever met them and seen them interact understands: they are perfect for each other.  _ John thought. 

 

Alex was stewing in his seat. He knew if he got up and left he would never get this opportunity again, and he certainly did not want to be the first person to be uncomfortable. He had to admit, Thomas was an attractive person, even if he was an irrevocably wrong asshole. 

_ His sweater is really cute _ Alex thought to himself while Thomas stared him down with eyes that said: “You are dead to me and I hate you.”

Alex sighed internally. Things would never work out between them. Thomas was just too stuck up and annoying to see Alex as anything other than an adversary. 

 

Thomas tried to hate Alex - he really did - but it was just too difficult. Alex’s wide, deep brown eyes and captivating smile held Thomas hostage. 

It was starting to get extremely annoying.  _ It should be against the law for people to be that attractive, especially assholes like Hamilton,  _ Jefferson thought to himself. 

This was so unfair. How could James do this to him? He knew that Alex irked him in ways no one else could. For all of James’ shyness and snarkiness, he truly understood Thomas. He was there for him when no one else was. So why the hell would James commit this horrible act against him?

 

A young employee, who Alex vaguely recognized was named Eliza, broke the frosty silence as she walked over to their table. 

“Hey did you guys want anything, or did you just want to sit at this table. I don’t care because it’s a slow day, but Angelica might think differently.” She gestured to the young African American woman behind the cash register currently giving the table a threatening look that made both Thomas and Alex shiver in their seats. “Usually, I’d ask you to order at the counter like normal people, but I have no desire to watch you guys be beaten to death by my sister. So, do you guys want anything?” Eliza cocked her head slightly with genuine thoughtfulness. 

 

“Uh yeah,” James started, his voice shaking. Talking to people was not his strong suit. “Can I have an unsweetened ice tea with lemon, please?”

“Ooh can I have a hot chocolate?” John asked enthusiastically. 

“It’s like, sixty degrees outside, Laurens.” Jefferson laughed to himself.

“You’re the one in a sweater, jackass.” John retorted without a single beat in between. 

“I will just have coffee, black.” Alex murmured.

“I will take a nonfat latte with a caramel drizzle and an extra shot of caffeine.” Jefferson responded automatically. 

“Dude, that seems excessive.” James pointed out. 

“I just do not care.” Thomas replied. 

“I will call you up when all your drinks are ready.” Eliza said sweetly as she finished writing down Thomas’ order and walked away. 

 

They resumed their icy silence until Alex cleared his throat. He could not stay silent forever.

“So, Thomas, anything exciting at work recently?”

“You work in the same building as me, dumbass.” Jefferson said as he looked down at his nails. 

“Well yeah, but we work in different areas, we only see each other in cabinet meetings with Washington. So, anything you can share?”

“Our new trade deal with France is going well. Lafayette is helping a lot with that.”

“Aren’t he and his boyfriend so cute?” Alex exclaimed happily. “I’m so excited for them.”

“Yeah, they are pretty cute. Anything you can share that isn’t highly classified.” Thomas actually looked interested for once. 

“Not any projects, but I do have gossip.” Alex grinned. “Maria Reynolds is leaving her husband, doesn’t he work in state?”

“Oh yeah, he’s an ass. I hate him. For who?”

“The sweet girl who took our coffee orders”

“Eliza?”

“Yeah. I’m excited for her, Maria deserves someone nice.” Alex danced happily in his seat. 

“Aww, they would be cute. Good for her.”

“I know, right?”

 

It was going well, and then everything went downhill after John and James went and got their drinks. 

 

They should have known not to leave Alex and Thomas alone.

 

“You are so stupid, how can you possibly say that? The current minimum wage cannot sustain a person and their family. We have to raise it!” Alex looked ready to kill Thomas with one punch. 

 

“But raising the minimum wage would make businesses either leave the US, or they would lay off workers, it’s a lose-lose situation.” Thomas responded nonchalantly. 

“Of course you don’t care about the poor, look at you. You are practically made of money.” Alex retorted. “I know what it’s like for people out there. After my dad left, my mother had to work three jobs and it still wasn’t enough for our family to survive.”

“Alex I’m sorry that happened to you, and we need a way to fix the system so that does not happen. But isn’t a low paying job better than no job at all?” Thomas actually looked upset. He had no intention of upsetting Alex for once, and now that chance was gone.

“Screw this, I’m leaving.” Alex took his coffee and ran out the door, leaving the other three behind with bewildered looks on their faces.

“It was five minutes, how could you guys go from a friendly conversation to enemies again in five minutes?” James asked.

“I have to go after him. I did this, and I didn’t even mean to. I didn’t know the issue affected him so much.” Thomas took his coffee and ran out into the late morning air. 


	5. We Are Cool, Considerate Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Alex catch up

When Thomas finally caught up to Alex, he was sitting on a bench, looking at the fountain that adorned the town square. 

 

Thomas was shocked. He knew Alex was an emotional person, but this was different. He looked defeated. He looked discouraged.

 

He looked alone. 

 

Jefferson cleared his throat, unsure of what to say. 

 

Alex looked up. Startled.

 

“What do you want, Jefferson?” Alex asked coldly. The hurt in his voice made Thomas wince. 

 

“To apologize, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.” Jefferson looked down at his shoes.

 

Hamilton turned around in his seat, stunned. “The great Thomas Jefferson is apologizing? To me?”

 

“Can I sit down?”

 

Alex considered for a moment. “Sure, what the hell.”

 

“I really did not mean to offend you, Alex. I can still call you Alex, right? I think you’re great. Really, I do. And I don’t want politics to destroy whatever our relationship is. Because I know I’m awful, I know. But I really like you! Like you’re really smart, and funny, and an argumentative badass. I don’t know anyone who can fight like you do. Or who can write like you can. Or so many things. I think you’re amazing.” 

“You’re pretty great too” Alex looks down and blushes to himself. “I mean, you are a mess most of the time, but I wish I had your ability to stay calm. Stay collected. LIke John Dickinson and Edward Rutledge in 1776”

“I honestly thi--”

“Jefferson, shut up.”

~~~~~~ 5  minutes later ~~~~~~

“Thomas! Where did you go?” James asked. 

“Uh I think I know.” John looked over at two figures on the bench.

“Oh god they are not…” James looked down at the bench in horror.    
“But they are.”

 

Of course, Thomas and Alex were making out. James and John were unamused. 

 

“Thomas, you still owe money on that latte.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
